I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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