put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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