I wish my penis had an off switch
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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