btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
