After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
