I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
