It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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