i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
