Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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