What did we do last night that was yellow?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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