So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
