While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
