Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
