david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
