I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
