I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
