U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
