thus making me awesome and them whores
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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