she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
