So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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