Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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