It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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