dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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