Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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