hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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