i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
