i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize