you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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