He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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