If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
two words...techno handjob
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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