The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
