Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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