Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
