I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
