I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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