how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
