i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
