for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
