Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
