His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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