i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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