I hate all girls vehemently.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
