I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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