where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
