Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
