wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
