I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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