I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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