I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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