i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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