I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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