is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
