Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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