She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
