um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
