I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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