508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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