Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How external is "for external use only"?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
