PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
