A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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