If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
