At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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