I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
