If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
