What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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