I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize